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[SATIRE] JUST IN: VIAGRA® Taken Off The Market Until Men Stop Encroaching On Women’s Rights
The F.D.A. has revoked the approval of the drug VIAGRA® and all of its off-brand counterparts deeming them “unfit for distribution” until further notice. All manufacturers were ordered to stop production last month, while pharmacies are only able to fill prescriptions until supplies run out.
This announcement has made it nearly impossible for men who use the erection inducing medication to get their hands on the little blue pill. When asked for comment, a representative the F.D.A. told reporters:
“Due to the Trump-Pence administration’s attack on affordable healthcare in the United States, including repeated attempts to repeal Obamacare and forcing Planned Parenthood out of the Title X program, we’ve decided to fight back by revoking the F.D.A. approval rating from VIAGRA and all generic drugs of the same makeup.
It is the Food and Drug Administration’s responsibility to protect the public not only by confirming the drugs and medical devices provided to them are safe to use, but also to ensure that all medical procedures are performed using the safest equipment available to date. F.D.A. approved medical equipment does not now nor will it ever include metal coat hangers.
Since the public we’ve vowed to protect does not only include men, we made the decision to take a stand. Women not only have a right to receive affordable birth control, cancer screenings, and prenatal care but they also have a right to safe medical procedures, including abortions.
VIAGRA will continue to be labeled as unfit for distribution by the F.D.A. until women are exclusively given the right to introduce and vote on all laws pertaining to any and every aspect of women’s health care without the involvement of any man or his opinion.”
Since this announcement was made, men all over the United States have already started experiencing the effects of the F.D.A.’s actions. They are traveling for hours in search of pharmacies who still have supplies left, often with little success. Even those who have the money to bribe doctors and pharmacists are shit out of luck, as they’ve been hoarding supplies for themselves.
